Live Broadcast
by Peneia Teke
Summary: [Complete] Ah, the wonderful world of entertainment! Join Joey as he and Kaiba host a half hour radio special, sharing all the secrets needed to become a master duelist. [Not Yaoi]


**Peneia Teke**: Hey. This is a story that popped into my head one day, and it just kinda turned into this. This is just a fun story, so review if you'd like, or flame me. Whatever suits your fancy.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

**Joey talking **

_Kaiba talking_

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"Hurry Grandpa! The programs about to start!" Yugi Mutou called as he sat down on the couch in the family room of the Turtle Game Shop and switched on the radio.

"Ok, Yugi, I'm coming," Solomon replied.

Ten minutes later found the elderly man asleep in his favorite chair. Yugi rolled his eyes and turned on the radio to channel 105.6.

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"_You really don't have any common sense, do you?"_

"**Yeah well, nobody asked-**"

"Hey! You're on!" someone whispered in the background.

"**Eh? Oh! Hello all ya duelist wanabbes out dere! Your listenin' ta Joey Wheela's tips and tricks for duelin' stiffs with your host…….JOEY WHEELA!"**

There was a pause as someone cleared his throat rather LOUDLY.

"**Oh yeah, Money Bags is here too…. But who cares 'bout him?! We're here ta talk 'bout all da secrets ta becomin' a betta duelist, but we only have a half hour, so let's get started!"**

"_Heh. What my pea brained 'accomplice' is trying to say is that we're here to discuss some of the more common techniques used by master duelists to help you on your road to victory. Of course, that doesn't mean you'll win, or beat me, but the point is it may help you become less of the third rate duelist you are right now."_

"**Dat's what I jus' said, Kaiba. Anyways, we figured we'd start off wit da basics case we got any newbies listenin'. The first ting ya gotta rememba is dat it takes lots of practice to get good at anything, and dat includes duelin'. Don' get disheartened if ya get beat a lot at da beginin'."**

"_Joey would know. He has a lot of experience in this area."_

"**Shut it, Kaiba!"**

"_Heh. Now, listen up, amateurs. It's important for any duelist, beginner or otherwise, to make sure he or she has a good mix of cards in his or her dueling deck. Several different kinds of trap, magic, and monster cards should be sufficient in ensuring you don't start off a duel with an early disadvantage."_

"**Right. Also, da cards affect your life points in different ways when dere in different positions on da field. A card in defense mode-**"

_"Don't interrupt, Mutt, I wasn't finished_."

"**Oh, well, soo-oo-rrry, Mr. I'm-So-High-And-Mighty. I'm sure our audience would love ta hear what ya have ta say. Please continue."**

"_Whatever. It's also important to choose cards that work together. Throwing random cards onto the field without a strategy in mind will never win you duels. Take me for example, I have a dragon base deck, so I use cards that will enhance the power of my Blue Eyes White Dragons in order to deliver a humiliating defeat to any opponent that stands in my way."_

"…………**.Eh… is dat it?"**

"_Yes."_

"**Oh…………… Crap……"**

"_What's wrong, now?"_

"**I forgot what I was goin' ta say."**

"_Hm. Leave it to you to be that air-headed."_

"**Ah well, it probably wasn' important anyway! So, let's move on ta somethin' more interestin'. This beginner stuff is startin' ta put me ta sleep."**

"_Finally, something we can agree on."_

"**Let's see…… Next on our agenda is learnin' ta trust in da heart of da cards. A specialty used by Da King of Games himself, and ma best bud, Yugi!"**

"..._Wheeler, who put this on here? It's ridiculous."_

"**I did of course.…. Oh, right. I forgot you don' believe in stuff like dat. Well, I neva asked you ta come here in da first place, so we're gonna talk 'bout it anyway!"**

"_No. I refuse to embarrass myself in front of the entire city by talking about cards like they are living creatures with feelings!"_

"**Aw, come on! It's a proven method dat works! I use it all da time!" **

"_Ch. It amazes me that you're gullible enough to actually believe that rubbish. I've heard more factual nonsense in the children's fables I used to read to Mokuba."_

"**Humph. Think what ya want Kaiba, but I've seen it work wit ma own eyes. Yep, dat's right, folks, believin' in da heart of da cards can come in handy when you're in a sticky spot. Like dis one time when I was up against a duelist named Mai Valentine-"**

"_You're going off on a tangent."_

"**Ack! Would ya shut up and stop interruptin' me?! Dis story has a point. Uh, anyway, she had me cornered wit all her Harpy Ladies, and I trusted in da heart of da cards and pulled out my Time Wizard! Bam! Jus' like dat! I beat her Harpies and won da duel."**

"_It was dumb luck."_

"**No, it really wasn't. In fact, I've seen it work for you plenty o' times, but you still deny it."**

"_Hn. I don't depend on cheap hocus pocus magic tricks to win. That's only for amateurs who shouldn't be participating in duels of any high prestige in the first place. Like my Battle City Tournament, for example."_

"**Are you tryin' ta hint at somethin', Kaiba?"**

"_Who me? No, of course not."_

"**Huh. Thought so. Please ****disregard anything Kaiba says, folks. He's jus' bitter 'cause he can't beat Yugi in a duel……………. Hehehehe……. Maybe dat was da wrong thing ta say….. Eh, Kaiba?"**

"_WHEELER!! YOU'RE DEAD!"_

There was a scrape of chairs and the slap of shoes against linoleum. A large crash could be heard in the background followed by a string of curses. Then there were a few moments of silence.

"_Sorry about the delay, but we were having some technical difficulties. Now, I think it's time to move on from Yugi and Wheeler's crackpot idealistic beliefs, so you can fathom the true reasons for dueling-power. Power is the only thing in life that will get you anywhere."_

"**Dat's not true!"**

"_Oh, you again."_

"**Yeah, it's me! What do ya think you were tryin' ta pull, lockin' me in da closet like dat, ya bastard!?"**

"_Watch it, Wheeler. Don't forget we're broadcasting live."_

"**Oh yeah, hehe. Almost forgot."**

"_As I was saying… Gaining fame and glory are the only practical reasons to duel in the first place. If you're only planning on dueling for 'fun' then give up and go home now, or you'll only end up wasting your time-and mine-when I eventually have to duel you in some sort of tournament or another." _

"**You know dat's not true, Kaiba. Dere are lots of reasons ta duel besides gainin' power."**

"_Peh, like what?"_

"**Like honor and fighten' for someone you care 'bout. Why when me an Yugi went ta Duelist Kingdom-"**

"_Enough with the stories. I'm sure we've lost half our audience by now thanks to your babbling."_

"**Grrrr! Why you! If we _have_ lost halfa our audience it's only 'cause you scared 'em ta death wit your stupid 'power' speech."**

"_Hey, the truth hurts, and they had to hear it from somebody." _

"**Whateva. Ya realize we've gone way off from the rosta?"**

"_Oh well, it was pointless anyhow."_

"**Yeah, guess you're right. Well, we're almos' outta time, but we can't forget one of da most important rules of da game."**

"_Oh really? And what's that, Wheeler?"_

"**Dis is only for advanced duelists, but if you're at da end of your rope, da heart of da cards ain't workin' for ya, an' da fate of da world depends on your victory or somethin', feel free ta make up rules as ya go."**

"_Oh? Do tell? I don't think our audience quite understands."_

"**Well, when duelists like me, Yugi, Mai, etc are about ta lose, we seem ta pull miraculous victories from da jaws of defeat. Hehe. Yeah well, dat's really called freestyle duelin' where we tweak da rules jus' so ta land da duel in our favor. Dat's only for emergencies, of course, and shouldn' be used in da every day duelin' settin'."**

"_I don't know what you're talking about, Wheeler. **I** for one have not sunk that low."_

"**Sure ya have. We've all done it."**

"_Speak for yourself. Though, that's probably how Yugi beat me all those times when it seemed impossible……"_

"**Hey, don' get any ideas, Kaiba. Alright. Say I'm up against a crazy nut job dat wants ta take over da world, use all human beings as his slaves, and unleash a horde of flesh eating demons upon da earth….. and I'm losin'. Well, I can't have dat happenin', now can I? So, instead I add a 'special ability' to my most powerful monsta ta boost da power of all ma otha monstas on da field enough ta defeat my psychotic opponent. Or I can always say somethin' like, 'I activate a trap card dat destroys all your monstas if I ate a bologna and cheese sandwhich today, and guess what? I ate a bologna and cheese sandwich. You lose!' Of course, your opponent neva suspects dat you pulled a fast one on dem, so dey end up losin', and da world is safe once again!" **

"_Oh brother; this is ridiculous. I have better things to do than sit around wasting my time here."_

"**Oh, ok. Well folks, seeing as how Rich Boy jus' walked off da set, I think it's safe ta say dat dis party is ova. It's been a real pleasure talkin' to ya all, and I hope you learned a little somethin' about duelin'. Maybe I'll even see some of ya in da next tournament. Hey, ya neva know, right?"**

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Yugi, sitting on the edge of his seat, stared wide eyed at the radio in the corner of the room. Very slowly awide grin spread across his face. This wasn't exactly what he'd been expecting when Joey had excitedly told him he had a surprise and to tune into channel 105.6 at 10:00 PM. However, it had been mildly entertaining listening to him and Kaiba bicker the entire time.

Still grinning, Yugi stood up, turned off the radio, and glanced around to see his grandpa still asleep in his chair. He carefully unfolded a blanket lying on the couch and tucked it around his grandpa's sleeping form. Then he quietly slipped away to his own room. It had indeed been an interesting day.

**Peneia Teke**: Thanks for reading.


End file.
